MEMORIES_FANTASIES_REALITY

I don't know what feeling I go through sometimes. Was its you knocking at the doors of my feeling again? Oh how stupid I am. I know I can never stop feeling about you. Still the same dilemma and the same questions I keep asking to myself every next day.

All the times that I spent with you flashes back like a cinema roll everytime. Everything appears so clear with no haziness as if it is the matter of today. Every words said by you echo in my ear. I don't know what makes me to recall all those reminiscences. But I find myself helpless, helpless because I can’t move on from what I feel for you. Each and every touch of yours voyage from my veins and arteries to my heart making me feel your manifestation. The whole shebang around me in the environs and every lone moment we had put together at one side fascinates me but on the other side keep plaguing me. It fascinates me because I fancy to live every moment with you. It haunts me because I am still standing nowhere in this world of veracity. Fatally these memories makes me to describe you more intensely and to know you more intimately. And all I do these days is penning down all those golden memories and keep them safe in my heart so that if one day I do not exist, my words surely will survive even then and maybe someday you will also know the way to my memories home.

Very often when the night calls out, I let my pen ink to flow through my diary, magically penning down all those feelings which spates through my mind and heart after going through the hectic schedule throughout the day. Sometimes I think was I alone responsible for the sufferings I go through everyday. And this question always remains unrequited and I remain unsatisfied with the answers. I remain unsatisfied with the happenings. The distance, the circumstances, the enigma and YOU remains at one side and I find myself at another - all solitude, searching for my unanswered question. Sometimes I deem about the fantasies that I conceive with you in my thoughts everyday. Having so much of fun together. A little bit fight, a lot more of arguments which always end up with a sweet smile. A little bit covetous, a lot more of understanding. A little bit security and a lot more of love. Love which will never fade. Love which will always be safe, safe in the jar of my heart. A hand of yours when I fall, an assurance to make me secure at every step I take and every move I make, a shoulder to lean on and to cry on all my heart and a lap in which I can make the most comfortable sleep. A hand in my hand holding which I can cross the road safely, a hand which will rise everytime to console me and a hand which will hold me everytime proudly and with love. I don't know what is happening with me but these are fantasies, no bond to them.

Totally out of the world!!!

I know reality will be somewhat different from my fantasies. I am doing every possible thing to eradicate these flashbacks and caprice but don't know what makes me to recall all this everytime. I am bashing to set out from it. I am screaming as I can see you in just my fantasies. I am screaming because I know I cannot live these moment .I am crying. I am denying the truth. I am wounded. I am lost. Something always seize me to you and your memoirs .Everytime I try to escape from you, at some point I am always caught by your thoughts. At one point your thoughts gives me strength makes me strong but at other side your memories making me weak. At the end of the day I find myself in solitude even though I am sorrounded by thousands of people.
And I am done. I surrender again !!!

P.S-She never regrets loving you, she regrets forgetting herself in process of loving you . !!!